Reviewing The Rape File
When I think about the sexual abuse I experienced as a child and the many ways in which it negatively affected my self-worth, my understanding of sex and sexual development, my relationships with family members, and ultimately, my physiological health, I wonder where the children of today will end up. The trend to promote and endorse every conceivable sexual fetish as being normal is…..well, I don’t know what it is, and on the other extreme, there are the bulldozer parents doing whatever they can to protect their kids from every possible threat imaginable. They haven’t learned yet that safety isn’t found inside a cage.
I’m still amazed at how ignorant people are when it comes to how often children are sexually assaulted and by whom. Just the other day, I was talking with someone about the trend toward hedonism and normalizing pedophilia, and I thought that there would be psychological consequences for this generation. I explained that it took me many years to reconcile being raped as a kid. This person has known me for quite some time and considers herself to be well-educated and non-judgmental. Her response to me that her parents taught her not to get in cars with strangers screamed judgment and blame. Realizing that she had no idea about the realities of childhood sexual abuse, my calm response to her was that the first rapist was the father of the kids I was babysitting, and the second was an off-duty policeman. I explained that my parents were beyond strict, so it wasn’t like I was living some risky lifestyle that invited the rapes. Then, I went on to tell her the statistics, that most children are sexually assaulted by people they know and trust. Suddenly, her attitude shifted ever so slightly, and she realized she didn’t know as much as she thought she did. All she could say after my rant was, “Oh.”
As with all Mind Files, you’ll know if you’ve resolved one by how you respond to people who judge something that happened to you. If you are immediately offended, you still have some work to do. If you realize that the person has no clue what they’re talking about, and if your self-worth is coming from strength rather than defiance, then you’ll know you’ve resolved the file.
People, despite what they say out loud, are always judging you. ALWAYS. It’s how the mind’s process works. It references and compares, then judges based on the rigid perspectives formed over the years of one’s life. We can only see through our own eyes, which also means that others only see through theirs.
SORTING THROUGH THE FEELINGS
When I tackled the Mind Files dealing with the rapes and the sexual abuse, I began by sorting through the feelings that were attached to specific narratives.
For me, the guilt and shame I carried came from my parents. Their views about sex were attached to purity and the institution of marriage, which came from the church. My dad never went to church and was resentful of organized religion, but my mom didn’t hold that opinion. She had been quite involved with her church, but by the time I came along, Mom had already quit going.
Even though I understood from an intellectual standpoint that the guilt and shame were cast upon me, blaming the church wasn’t going to get those monkeys off my back. I had to figure out why I was still willing to carry those burdens despite my intellectual understanding. I also carried a lot of anger. I suppose you could argue that the anger came as a result of the shame and guilt, but that is merely a justification to continue to use blame as an avoidance tool. I had to get to the root of the negative beliefs about myself to resolve the Mind File.
If we dig deep enough, we’ll find that being powerless – not simply feeling powerless – but being powerless is the root cause of the willingness to carry the burdens of guilt, shame, disgust, anger, resentment, contempt, and maybe even rage. In addition to those feelings, there is also grief, confusion, mistrust, worry, and the realization that we were, and maybe still are, vulnerable.
Then, we have to come to terms with what we believe sex should be, and that is a tough one to reconcile because sex is a game of trading power. Plus, there is a lot of peer pressure surrounding sex. As teenagers and young adults, we think we know what others are doing because we don’t realize that many of our friends can talk a good game but aren’t necessarily participating.
The next section deals with specific details about resolving sexual abuse. As this is a delicate subject, it is reserved for paying subscribers.
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