The Importance of Participating in a Spiritual Practice in Healing Trauma
Without the daily study and contemplation of spiritual text, I know that I would never have healed from the trauma I experienced as a child. Admittedly, I still have some wounds that haven’t healed yet, but thanks to the response of the mass public during the planned demic, I am finding those Mind Files, reviewing and reassessing the narratives within them, and healing them one at a time.
For every action, there is a reaction.
For the most part, my understanding of God has stayed the same over the years. The first time I read the Bible was shortly after I separated from my husband of fifteen years. I had been attending therapy for several years and was finally gaining emotional strength. My recovery, albeit not nearly where I thought it was, had reached a point where I was asked to speak at public awareness meetings for a Mental Health agency in Regina, SK. Sharing our experiences lets others know that they aren’t alone in their struggles, that recovery is possible, and provides hope to those trapped in darkness.
In the first few years after my divorce, I was determined to live life my way and to prove to myself and everyone else that I didn’t need anyone in my life to be successful. I understood the difference between needing someone to complete you and wanting someone to share your life with. Plus, I wanted to know that I could look after myself financially.
For the first time in my life, I knew what it meant to be free and independent. I lived for myself. I had time to study whatever I wanted. I took online university classes that interested me. I worked on myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually and thrived for several years.
Then, the feminine within became restless, so I began dating. I wasn’t anywhere near wanting a serious relationship, but I wanted physical intimacy. Eventually, I reached a point where I wanted to settle down again. My self-confidence had grown so much at that time that I no longer questioned my motives. When I agreed to become involved in a serious relationship, I wasn’t aware of the Mind File driving that desire, nor did I see the truth of what was in front of me. I could only see what I wanted and was determined to have it. I dismissed spiritual nudges, giving into desire and arrogance, and I paid for it physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I could deflect responsibility because there was a lot going on in my life at the time:
1. My physical health had deteriorated to the point where I required surgery.
2. I was still dealing emotionally with my brother’s suicide.
3. I had just moved to a new city.
But in the end, every choice I made was mine. Casting blame had never healed a single emotional wound before, and I knew it wouldn’t now.
At first, I couldn’t admit to myself that it was my desires and the consequent choices I made out of those desires that took me to this miserable place where I found myself. I only knew that I was miserable and lonely.
Only now did I understand the Buddhist teaching of letting go of the attachment to desire.
Before the soul can see, the Harmony within must be attained, and fleshly eyes be rendered blind to all illusion.
~ The Book of Golden Precepts
In other words, our FEAR cabinet must be emptied before we can truly understand our motives.
I was sitting in church one Sunday listening to an unbelievably fantastic sermon when, for some reason, I noticed that most people in the congregation had no idea what Pastor Leon was talking about. Many had been attending services at this church for years and still, were completely oblivious to the meaning of the sermon.
Initially, I was stunned. How could this be… I pondered. Then it came to me. There’s a difference between disciples and followers. Disciples are students. Students who genuinely want to learn aren’t following a teacher; they are choosing to be there to learn from that teacher. The brightest students then apply what they’ve learned in their lives, and their lives are better for it.
Followers follow.
Words trigger our mind’s process to reference a specific Mind File. When I bring up the topic of spirituality with people, I pay close attention to their body language because that tells me which filing cabinet their mind’s process will look in for a Mind File to reference.
Unfortunately, most people have attached negative emotions to words associated with rigid perspectives from dogmatic religious groups, which makes discussing spiritual concepts challenging.
Some have had direct experiences from a religious group or parent where they were ridiculed, criticized, chastised, or belittled for a perceived sin. Others might not have had direct experience but know someone who knows someone who did, or they’ve heard that such and such happens in churches and have created a rigid perspective based on hearsay.
Then there are those who experienced deep betrayal emotionally, physically, and spiritually, having been sexually assaulted by a member of the clergy.
Lately, I’ve also realized that the academic push toward total and complete reliance on science and intellect and away from anything spiritual has, in itself, created rigid perspectives about God and spirituality in many people who have never stepped foot inside a church, who didn’t have parents who were brought up in the church and have no real reference with which to disregard spiritual beliefs or teachings.
Scientism has become its own religion with its own dogma, and its believers are fanatical. I’ve lived long enough to know that you’ll never change the mind of a fanatic. You can’t convince someone of something they aren’t ready or willing to hear.
I was lucky in that I wasn’t brought up with any particular belief system. We didn’t go to church or discuss God in our house, but I spent a lot of time with my grandma, who was a devout Anglican.
I watched my grandma sit and listen to men and women who went door to door selling their brand of religion. She never criticized or tried to convert them to her beliefs; she just listened to their spiel, told them she already had a belief system and thanked them for sharing theirs.
My grandma practiced what she preached. She genuinely respected others, offered help if anyone asked for it, and didn’t discriminate. I can’t tell you how often I saw her invite someone less fortunate into her home for a meal. My grandmother was in her eighties when she was doing this, and I worried for her safety. She never worried about being robbed or assaulted and told me many times that if someone felt the need to steal something, they must need it more than she did.
My grandma accepted people for who they were. Most of us only accept people if they are who we want them to be.
Even now, when I think about how my grandmother conducted herself, I realize that she was doing as Jesus instructed. My grandma was following the Golden Rule.
The Golden Rule asks you to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This means that the perception of both must be accurate.
~ A Course in Miracles Chapter 1
I have no idea how my grandmother conducted herself in her youth or when she got to the place in her life where she was willing to sit down with someone (a Jehovah’s Witness, for example) whose opinions were in opposition to hers and treat them with respect. I’m approaching my sixth decade and am only learning how to do this consistently now.
My grandmother lived in England during World War I. She told me of hearing air raid sirens and having to hide in cellars while the bombs were falling on the city. It wasn’t like she didn’t experience trauma!
Her husband, my grandfather, had severe PTSD from being in those wars, which is why, I suspect, my grandmother didn’t criticize his abusive behavior. She forgave him before, during, and after an outburst or abusive episode. Somehow, and without years of psychological therapy, my grandmother could separate the behavior from the person and reconcile that within her heart.
Had I grown up with a different grandmother, I might never have seen someone walk the spiritual talk, so I wouldn’t have believed it possible.
After several years of psychological therapy, I had cleared out many of the Mind Files stored in my FEAR cabinet. The few files left behind had been partially reviewed, but only on an intellectual level. It took several years for me to understand the difference between intellectually understanding what happened to me in my childhood and emotionally understanding what happened.
Psychological counseling helped me learn about human behavior. It gave me a lot of intellectual insight, but it didn’t help me resolve the trauma. I had to look elsewhere to find that healing and the only other place that made sense was in spirituality.
It was only after I began studying spiritual texts that I realized I had a negatively charged Mind File labeled forgiveness. When I reassessed that file, I realized that what I thought forgiveness was and what I came to understand about forgiveness were two different things.
Forgiving isn’t condoning, and it doesn’t mean that the perpetrator shouldn’t have to accept responsibility for what they’ve done. Forgiveness is the emotional resolution we require to heal.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. I hope you read something that helps you help yourself.
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